The sun moves into Aquarius, so there’s that. Then, on January 19, our awareness calls us to embody values of community, contribution and goodwill, because on January 20, all of that will be over for while.
Then, on January 21, the sun conjuncts Pluto, which is totally unfair, but no one is going to do anything about it. The start of Aquarius season is here this week, which is great for exploration and discovery, but keep in mind the bag limit is two per person.
 | Aries (March 21 – April 19): Remember, there is a fine line between genius and madness, which is why you consistently blow right past genius. |
 | Taurus (April 20 – May 20): As you tend to express yourself mechanically, embrace more of your emotional self-expression this week by tacking on “because I love you so much” to the end of more of your sentences. For example, you might say “I fail to see what any of us can hope to gain from your presence…because I love you so much.” Or “I’m going to the movies by myself tonight because you’re boring…because I love you so much.” See the difference? |
 | Gemini (May 21 – June 20): This week, the truth won’t not present itself in double-negatives, which won’t make it not impossible not to misinterpret their meaning. |
 | Cancer (June 21 – July 22): This week you will successfully hold your first boundary with your mother, while conceding only one thing: that she will live with you the rest of her life just one last time before she dies. Good job on the boundary. You’re going to need those boundary skills a lot more in your future. |
 | Leo (July 23 – August 22): You believe in evolution up to a point, which is the point when you were born. After that point, it is your belief that evolution achieved perfection and retired. |
 | Virgo (August 23 – September 22): The stars agree that your 2025 plan for your life is perfect. All that remains is to put your plan in action and deal with the fact that you’re fully booked through 2028 with cooking, work, shopping, laundry, cleaning, eating, more cleaning, more laundry and failing to go to bed on time. |
 | Libra (September 23 – October 22): Before you meet that new romantic interest this week, you will have had no sense of meaning in your life. Afterward, you will also have a deadbeat living off your income. |
 | Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Naturally, you feel a pang of envy when you scroll through beautiful persons’ beautiful homes and vacations on social media. But what they don’t show you is all the late nights, low-blood-sugar hysterics, verbal abuse, and goat’s blood that fuels a life like that. As soon as you realize that, you will stop reactively feeling envy, and start proactively looking for goat’s blood. |
 | Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): This week, put your best foot forward as the genuine, intimate, raw and vulnerable soul that you are. If nothing else, at least you will find out that the only other people who care about any of those things are other Sagittariuses, and that maybe you should think about adjusting your vibe a little bit. |
 | Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): As the season of Capricorn comes to a close this week, prepare to come full circle on all your efforts from last season, since absolutely nothing will have changed. |
 | Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): The Sun’s conjunction with Pluto will punch you right in the responsibility sector this week, bringing up strong feelings of “Why am I expected to do things all of a sudden?” Which reminds you that you have a kid somewhere and, when you have time, you should probably figure out which neighbor’s house they wandered off to this time. |
 | Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Will this be the week you find true love? The stars say your odds are 50-50. Not satisfied with that answer, you will turn to prayer. After a couple days of ignoring you, God will finally weigh in by flipping a coin. You have to admit: God couldn’t have played that one any better. |